Pre/During/Post Euthanasia support is available from the Pet Undertaker. Dawn Murray is a qualified Pet Bereavement Counsellor and home visits can be arranged, or you may prefer to talk on the telephone. There is a charge for home visits. The following is a guide to Euthanasia and what to expect pre/during and after the loss of your pet.
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Grief upon the loss of a pet is a natural reaction, a very individual and personal one. For some people, grieving for a pet that has died may be a more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. The feelings of guilt of having to not only make the decision to end a much loved pets life, but also to proceed with euthanasia can be overwhelming. Another reason is that family and friends may not share your understanding and compassion felt towards a pet. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, colleagues, etc., will all be understanding, they have, or will experience human loss at sometime in their lives. However, this is often not the case when a pet dies and well meaning but hurtful comments such as 'It was only a dog,' and 'You can get another one,' will only add to the grief and feeling of isolation and loneliness.
We know that grieving is a complex process which includes a number of stages. The length of each stage varies with each individual person. Some people may return to a particular stage, such as guilt or anger, time and time again. Others may reach a closure quite quickly. It does not mean they loved their pet any less, it is just their individual reaction to their loss. In most instances, the grieving process may continue for a few months or longer.
Denial: When we hear bad news, some of us have a tendency to deny it. We think it really is not true, that we did not 'hear it right,' or 'it cannot be true.' This is a defensive mechanism we use in an attempt to insulate ourselves from the emotional trauma.
Guilt: Having to make the decision to end a life is incomprehensible to us. We know deep in our hearts that the decision is being made in the best interest of our pet, but it is none the less so alien to us to have to make that decision, and feelings of guilt can overwhelm us.
Bargaining: When someone is dying, many people may want to 'bargain' with a higher entity eg God. “If you let my loved one live, then I promise I will...” Although, this is not as common when a pet dies, many people still go through the bargaining stage.
Anger: Anger is a common stage of grieving. Anger may be directed towards others such as the vet or another family member. It may also be directed towards oneself in the form of guilt. We may say, 'If I had only taken him/ her to the vet sooner, she would be okay.' Some owners may even feel anger towards their pet for dying. They may want to 'blame' the vet for not doing enough to save their pets life.
Depression: Depression is the stage we most often think about in relation to grieving. For many people, losing a pet may be one of the saddest experiences they will ever have and depression can develop at any time and to varying degrees. It can also affect our physical wellbeing, we may find it difficult to eat, sleep, concentrate or carry out fundamental daily tasks. We may not want to be around other people, but in reality, this is when we need understanding people the most. Talking to someone who understands our grief is a way to help the healing process begin.
Closure: Closure is the final stage of the grieving process. At this point, we are able to accept that our beloved pet has died. We begin to focus on the times we enjoyed together. At this point, we may consider looking for a new pet, not to replace our lost friend, but to have someone to enjoy our life with. There still may be times after 'closure' when we experience deep sadness, anger, or guilt at our loss, but we can recover from these times faster, and look forward rather than backward. Saving a pet from suffering is the ultimate act of love, one which sadly is not afforded to humans.
When the whereabouts or fate of the pet is unknown, many pet owners experience all the stages of grief, as though the pet had died. The pet may have run away or been stolen, or the owner may have to surrender the pet to another home or kennel, due to their own failing health or family circumstances. In these situations, the pet owners seldom find true 'closure.' The owner does not know when, or if the pet has died, or, if lost, whether the pet will ever come back, or the heartbreaking prospect that they will never see their pet again. There is often a huge guilt factor associated with this type of loss.
Crying, nausea and loss of appetite, inability to sleep, fatigue, restlessness, and body aches and stiffness are typical manifestations of grief.
When people are grieving they often experience an inability to concentrate, are confused, and loose all sense of time. They can become irritable, a lowered sense of self-worth, resentment, and embarrassment are also common feelings. Some often withdraw, may be reluctant to ask for help, and feel rejected by others. Others may show an increased dependency on other people, or an increased need to keep busy and many begin to question their religious beliefs.
Through research, it has been shown that when grief can be expressed, the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the need to express grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process can take much longer. In addition to talking with others, physically doing something often helps us work through our grief.
Often family members and friends may not understand how important your pet was to you. It is important to find someone who does understand. There are certain circumstances which can intensify the grief. If a person has recently suffered other losses, feels responsible for their pets death, or has never fully grieved an earlier death of a human, the grieving process often becomes more complex. If the pet has shared a significant event in the owner's life the bond between the owner and their pet can be exceptionally strong and grief felt can be compounded by this attachment.
Always be honest with children regarding the death of a pet. A child can understand more than you realise and if not told the truth may become less trusting of the parent and feel betrayed. Avoid telling a child that their pet was 'put to sleep', as some may believe that one day their beloved pet will awaken. Nor, should you tell a child, that the dog has simply 'run away', as a child can wait, expectantly, sometimes for years for their dog to return. The child should be able to participate in the arrangements. Cremating or burying a pet without the child's knowledge can prolong the entire grieving process for the child. Where possible, prepare the child ahead of time for the death.
Many factors can contribute to how a child will feel, react and grieve when their pet dies. In many cases the death of a pet will be a child's first experience of death. The relationship the child had with the pet, the circumstances of the pet's death, and other events or losses the child has experienced will influence the grieving process. The ability of the parents and others in the family unit to provide support, will also play an important role in helping the child work through the grief.
Up to 2yrs old: Infants and very young children are unlikely to understand the death of a pet, but they are very aware of the tension and change in emotional state of those around them. Reassuring them by hugging and holding them, and keeping the household routine as normal as possible will help.
2yrs to 7yrs old: In general, children under 7 years of age do not understand that death is a permanent state. Do not try to hide a pet's illness or death from a child, they are often the first to sense that something is wrong. Let children ask questions (they usually have many) and allow them to express their feelings. Allowing a child to share in the sorrow of the pets' death, shows them that everyone in the family unit is important.
7yrs to 12 yrs old: By this age, children can understand that death is permanent. They may ask many questions about how and why the pet died. They will want to be involved in arrangements for the disposal of their pets' remains.
Teenagers: Many teenagers have a very difficult time working through the grieving process and often, due to peer pressure, may not be open about how much emotional pain they are experiencing. They can become withdrawn and suffer from mood swings as a result of struggling to cope with their feelings.
Younger children are less able to express their feelings in words and often their 'feelings' manifest in a physical form. They may act out of character, by displays of anger or aggression in various situations that do not seem connected to the animal's death. They may start to wet the bed or start sucking their thumb. Young children may think it was something they did, or thought that they somehow caused their pet to die and blame themselves, therefore it is crucial to reassure a child that he/she was not responsible for the death of the pet.
For many elderly people, their pet is their sole companion, and some will say, their only reason to live. Many elderly live alone and away from family. Their pet may become the sole focus of their attention and affection. Their entire daily routine may revolve around their pet, for feeding and walking. Their pet may be their last link to the past, and the loss of the pet can trigger grief over previous losses. Their pet may also have been a source of security and main source of exercise. Elderly people may experience more guilt when their pets die as they may not have been in a position to pay for expensive veterinary treatments all of which leads to a sense of failure and deep grief.
A very strong bond can be built around those who either rely on a dog to assist them in daily routine tasks, or those who work with dogs, such as Police and Rescue trained dogs. When the dog reaches an age, when it is time for them to retire from their active working duty, the pet owner can experience immense feelings of grief and guilt if they have to replace their companion with another younger dog.
Many will experience the same stages of grieving as if their dog had died.
When, or if, you should get another pet, is an individual and personal choice. Some people may want to find a new pet almost immediately and this can help them through the grieving process. Others need longer to work through their grief before they are physically and emotionally ready for another pet. In either case, it is important to remember that you are not replacing your pet, but finding another pet that you can share your life with. Getting a pet too soon may lead to feelings of guilt or disloyalty, and you may have difficulty bonding to the new pet. Some may consider 'Fostering' a pet until they decide the time is right to offer a pet a permanent home.
Like humans, pets show their feelings in a manner of different ways. If there is more than one pet in a home and one dies, the other pet/s may express their feelings by stop eating, playing, or become withdrawn. They are experiencing a loss of their own, and they can sense their owner's sorrow as well. If pets are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behaviour. Giving them extra attention or additional 'titbits' when they behave this way may actually cause them to continue with their behaviour as a means to receive more attention. However, many animals may not show any outwardly signs of feeling a loss and may in fact enjoy their new found position with the family. I would like to share my own story with you as an example that animals do grieve for other animals, please read Denzils Story
Euthanasia is one of the most heartbreaking, difficult decisions someone can ever make for a beloved pet. It is perhaps the ultimate sacrifice and act of love we have to endure for our beloved pet. The more you understand about euthanasia, the less likely you will be to question the decision or procedure, afterwards. This can help prevent those feelings of immense guilt, wishing you had done something differently. The decision of when to Euthanize involves great personal courage and devotion. Many people fear they will not know when the time is right. Do seek guidance from your vet and include family members who share a close bond with your pet in the decision-making process. No one knows your pet better than you do, trust what your heart tells you.
Consider the following:
Having reached the decision to have your pet Euthanized, it is important to consider when and where this should be done. Some Vets will come to your home, thus allowing your pet to be Euthanized, in familiar surroundings and comfort. You should check first with your vet to see if they can do home visits.
If your pet is to be Euthanized at the vet surgery, you should request a time when the surgery will be quiet, either in the afternoon or the last consultation of the day, thus ensuring that when you enter and leave the surgery, that the waiting room will not be full of other pet owners.
Euthanasia is normally a quick, peaceful, and virtually pain-free procedure for your pet, regardless of where it is performed. If this is your first experience of having a pet Euthanized, it is important to understand the process. Euthanasia is a barbiturate solution injected intravenously, usually in the animal's front or back leg, and is a fast-acting sedative which stops the heart within a very short period of time. After shaving a small section from the leg area, a needle is inserted into the vein. The vet will test it first, to make sure it is in the vein and that the solution is administered as desired. Your vet may choose to sedate your pet or place an intravenous catheter beforehand to help ensure a smooth procedure. If sedation is used, it will be administered first, allowing the animal to relax and fall into a comfortable deep sleep. Pets find it comforting to be held and stroked by their owners in these last few minutes. Once the Euthanasia solution is given, the animal's muscles will relax and the heart will stop beating. Most owners are surprised at how quickly death comes - in seconds. In some instances, the muscles may contract or relax for a few seconds after the heart has stopped. As muscles relax, the animals may open their bowels. Other involuntary contractions may occur, such as the animal appearing to gasp, or move. This is strictly a muscle reflex, and the life is already gone, and your pets' eyes may still be open. It is important to remember that your pet is not aware of any of these things, as they happen after death has occurred. In some instances eg, where a dog is very ill and their veins may not be strong enough to withstand an injection, the vet may not be able to follow the above procedure as we have described. Some vets may have to adopt a slightly different method of injecting the Euthanasia solution eg via an inter-cardiac injection, although in many cases this method is necessary and your vet will ensure that your pet cannot feel any pain, this may be particularly difficult for a pet owner to witness. Your vet should explain each step to you as they go along and be sure that you are comfortable with the procedure that your vet has chosen. The Pet Undertaker can accompany you to the vets and offer support during Euthanasia, or if you prefer not to be present during Euthanasia, the Pet Undertaker can take your pet for you.
The Pet Undertaker offers several options for aftercare for your pet's body. Please see our Cremation page for guidance. You should remember to take into account financial and personal considerations, or religious beliefs. However, if you decide to make the arrangements yourself or leave that decision to your vet, please ensure, that the Crematorium recommended are members of the Association of Private Pet Cemeteries and Crematorium, as they are the only governing body in the UK and you are guaranteed the highest and most professional level of service.
A small percentage of pet owners may prefer more unconventional options, such as taxidermy or freeze-drying. We recommend that you speak to us and investigate fully how that is accomplished, and other factors that should be taken into account before deciding on one of these alternative options.
You can also bring a few personal items with you, to be buried or cremated with your pet's body. This may be a special toy, coat, flower, poem, picture, etc. Also, you may appreciate a lock of your pet's fur. (Please ask if you would like us to do this for you).
